When life gives you lemons….

I hope you are keeping safe and well during these unchartered times dear readers. It has been a while since I connected through this blog and it feels good to put the fingers to the keyboard and reconnect. I have been sharing some learning through LinkedIn articles if interested to check out including an ‘International Women’s Day’ piece on ‘What advice would you take from your 22 year-old-self?”

Family Matthews has had a tough few weeks with my dear Father in Law passing away in his sleep (RIP Gary) and our family being hit with covid and isolation which coincided with a visit from my mum and dad who we hadn’t seen in 2.5 years.

I know many people are going through tough times at the moment whether that being connected to the horrors in Ukraine, rebuilding from the floods, battling covid and all the other things life can throw at us. I thought it may be useful to share some of my reflections from going through the tougher times which I do believe make us stronger.

Acceptance

“Accept the things you can’t control and refocus on what can.” 

Ben Crowe

I heard this quote from mind and performance coach Ben Crowe when hearing him speak at a recent ‘International Cycling Execs’ event and it really landed with me. During this time of global uncertainty it’s not worth worrying for hours about what we can’t control. As Jen Moss shared in a recent collaboration with Tenfold ‘focus on the controllables’. I have found keeping up my daily meditation and gratitude practice, light exercise and reading / podcasting have helped me stay resilient. Ben Crowe also shared that acceptance, appreciation and self-compassion are three leadership superpowers right now and to lean into these.

Listening to Ben Crowe virtually in Iso

Heightened Empathy and Compassion

“But my experience is that people who have been through painful, difficult times are filled with compassion.”

Amy Grant

One silver lining I’ve found when you go through tough times is a heightened empathy for others when they go through something similar and compassion (empathy into action). After recovering from my foot fracture last year (which I wrote about here) I now feel a lot more empathy for others recovering from injuries. Now having been through covid and the isolation I can relate more when others will be going through it and able to offer help such as I received. Ben Crowe shared humility and curiosity can emerge stronger from our darkest times. Some of the most compassionate leaders I have met including Aminata Conteh-Biger and Mahboba Rawi have been through very painful and difficult times and have emerged with such strong compassion and conviction for their causes. A picture below from a recent Tenfold Sisterhood visit to meet Mahboba and the beautiful Afghan refugee children Mahboba’s Promise helped evacuate after the Taliban take over.

The Tenfold Sisterhood visiting Mahboba and family ❤️🙏

Connection to the Community

“One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals.” 

Jean Vanier

I have been really touched by the community support received in the last few weeks. All the meal deliveries, surprise gifts to brighten an iso day, messages of love and support and coffees delivered through the window will long be cherished. You realise in times of struggle that you are not alone and that we are most definitely stronger together. One common thing I’ve often observed emerging from a crisis is the community coming together. One of my favourite proverbs is “It takes a village to raise a child.”

Community gifts ❤️🙏

Gratitude

“Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest most powerful way to effect change in your life — this I know for sure.”

Oprah Winfrey

I’ve found that going through the stages of grief have made me emerge even more grateful for each new day and that the little moments really are the big moments. I was recommended the ‘Happy Feed’ gratitude journal app (thanks Sam!) where you can add photos each day when reflecting on moments of gratitude. It’s great to then look back at these when you are having a low moment.

Happy Feed example

Purpose

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it”

Buddha

I’ve found an even stronger sense of purpose emerge after the last few weeks to really help make a difference and ‘be the change’ in areas of passion including helping to advance positive climate action, more women in leadership and supporting our Tenfold NFP community. It was a privilege to be interviewed on the ‘Leaders for Good’ podcast with out Tenfold CEO Rich Hirst during isolation this week to share some thoughts on the state of purpose in Australia. The episode is due to come out mid April for anyone interested to listen.

Leaders for Good podcast filming

Never lose the ability to laugh

“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.”

Veronica Roth, Divergent

There’s a saying that goes ‘laughter is the best medicine’. One of the best things my husband and I did to help process losing Gary was going into the city, having a few drinks in memory and sharing stories and laughing together about the good times. My Grandma is due to turn 97 this April and she hasn’t stopped laughing along the way. Her laughing fits growing up were contagious and I hope I can always find a way to laugh through the highs and lows of life. One of Ben Crowe’s other pieces of advice was to over index on fun and not to take things too seriously which we try to do at Tenfold. I’m excited to be reunited with the work husband next week whose favourite leadership trait is fun 🙂

Grandma with a special visitor

I hope you may find something useful in this article, it felt good to share and reconnect.

Sending love and light to all and look forward to writing again soon.

The Power of Connection

“The most important things in life are the connections you make with others”

Tom Ford

I have been pondering on the power of connection and the network effect over the last couple of weeks and thought I’d put the fingers to keypad whilst our little boys are watching Mickey’s Christmas!

I truly believe that we are wired to connect and as I’ve written about before in “What makes a good life”, community and positive relationships have been shown to add years to our lives. Connection is all around us, currently being displayed at the airport welcoming lounges around the word as families reunite and between humans and animals as beautifully portrayed in “My Octopus Teacher” on Netflix.

When I googled ‘what is the origin of the word connect?’ the first result shared – “Connect came into English in the 15th century, derived from the Latin ‘conectere’ meaning ‘join together’, which in its turn was formed from ‘com’, meaning ‘together’, and ‘nectere’, meaning ‘to tie or bind’.” (Macmillan Dictionary Blog). I love the notion of ‘join together’, at Tenfold we often talk about being “better together” and that “all of us are smarter than any one of us”.

The Tenfold team just spent three days together in beautiful Fingal Bay for a team offsite after spending months like many working remotely. Two of our newest team members Bre and Jamie had only spent a day or two with the team face to face previously. It was such a joy to hang out, strategize, laugh and cry together! The overall collective feeling on our departure was one of connection after our time together. Another takeaway was that individually we all have our doubts and imposter syndromes yet together we are whole and more than enough.

I’ve found making connections to be one of the most time effective ways to make a positive contribution to the world. Taking that 5 minutes to connect two humans via email, LinkedIn, phone or other medium can have such a long term positive impact on those being connected.

I am ever in awe that the right timing of a connection can be life changing, whether it be helping connect someone to a new role, opportunity, partner, mentor, or best friend.

One leader I admire set himself his own KPI to make 5 connections across his network each week. Can you imagine the compounding and ripple effect of this over time? When we connect others, I believe it increases the likelihood of them paying it forward and doing the same. It also helps open us up to new networks, as I have written about previously, “It’s not who you know but who they know”.

Who could you connect in your network this week? It could positively change a life.

Investing in making our own new connections and social capital keeps life interesting and us learning. At Tenfold we believe in the network effect, a phenomenon whereby increased numbers of people or participants improve the value of a good or service. We have grown to over 800 C Suite Executives in 17 months and it’s amazing to see all the new connections being made for positive impact. These have included setting up CEO postcode walking pals who have become friends, NFP and multinational leaders connecting for new impact, connecting two leadership teams in different sectors to share learning and connecting new to country leaders with local leaders and families in their area. The power of connection was felt very strongly at our first two CEO face to face roundtables and a local community event where there was so much positive energy reconnecting in 3D format. I believe connected intelligence is a critical skill of leadership today.

It’s often shared that you are remembered for how you made people feel rather than what you achieved. In a recent Tenfold Masterclass with Dr Jim Loehr, Jim left us with a reflective question to think about the three words of phases we would like to see written on our tombstones. Jim shared his were “Fully engaged, loving and kind”. What a beautiful combination. I had thought “Enjoyed the journey, seized the day, made a difference”. Reflecting since of the power of connection I may include made loving connections. What would be your three words or phrases?

To finish in some of Jim’s wise words, “How you scale the mountain is more important than the mountain scaling itself.”

Not ignoring your weaknesses and stepping into your courage zone

I’m a big believer in utilizing a strengths-based philosophy and have written about it previously (see Discovering and Utilising Your Strengths ).

I have reflected however this should not mean ignoring your weaknesses if they are a crucial part of your goal.

As an example, I ignored focusing on my swimming for a long time as a triathlete which is a core part of the three-discipline sport. I wouldn’t get into any consistency of swim training focusing more on running and cycling which came more naturally to me. I got used to coming in right at the back of the pack in the swim and then playing chase in the remainder of the race.

After my recent foot fracture (Being brought to a standstill – literally! The power of reframing), I was forced not to run or cycle initially in my rehab which gave me an unexpected gift of embracing swimming and upper body strength for my exercise.

I got into a consistent routine of swimming four times a week in the ocean with pools shut in the Sydney lockdown and have really started to enjoy it for the physical and mental health benefits. I’ve had some Balmoral postcode pals as buddies for some of my swims and it has been great to have a new micro community. Whilst I still have a long way to go to be competitive in that leg I have grown stronger and more importantly developed a love for it.

What’s something you don’t love currently but by focusing on it could help you with a goal?

When listening to Dr Jim Loehr on The Tim Ferriss Show recently he talked about the power of journaling to help us achieve our goals and change our mindframes. I started journaling ‘I love Swimming’ and over time this has manifested to be true. Jim co-authored the HBR article ‘The Making of a Corporate Athlete’ and we’re super excited he will be dialing in to join us for a Tenfold Masterclass in October to explore mental toughness and managing our energy. 

In the business arena one of my mentors once said if you ever want to be a business leader you need to lean into the financials at least enough to be able to ask the right questions.

For me financials have been a bit like swimming, not a natural interest or strength so easy to ignore. For a long time, I let my personal finances tick along without much thought. One example being I didn’t get on top of my student debt when emigrating to Australia and let the interest accrue over years thinking I’ll sort it one day. I then decided to take accountability and take the plunge and pay it off in one go to become debt free and it felt so empowering.

Having always thought of myself as a spender and not the saver I hadn’t been disciplined with saving. I’ve now learnt I need systems to help me with this and have a fortnightly direct debit set up into an account I can’t access day to day. I’ve also started investing a little each week on the Raiz app as a little fun project to help automate savings.

From a corporate finance perspective, I took an online Wharton Coursera course ‘An introduction to corporate finance’ and had some mentoring sessions around the topic. I’d like to develop my study further and am interested to go through some of the AICD’s foundation courses as a next step. I’ve also started reading more about money and listening to some podcasts to help with my understanding. Whilst I still prefer to listen to Super Soul Sunday or Fortunately I’ve enjoyed having a balance to stretch my thinking in a new area.

Whilst I feel safer in the comfort zone of my strengths there’s a saying that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone” and I’ve found pushing yourself outside it can make your goals even more rewarding when you hit them.

One recent example of this in swimming has been swimming from Balmoral Beach to Chinamans return which is something I never would have thought possible when emigrating to Australia ten years ago and not being able to swim 50 metres of freestyle.

I read recently that each quarter or sometimes each month Tim Ferriss has a fear setting session and cites it as the most valuable thing he does with his time. On this theme in a recent Tenfold workshop  Dr Peter Fuda challenged our C Suite leader community to try something each week that puts them out of their comfort zone.

My Wednesday lunchtime tennis buddy and I have taken this forward and started sharing something each week that will put ourselves out of our comfort zone and then supporting and holding each other accountable to that. This could be having the courage to have a difficult conversation, calling someone we’ve been putting off, entering an ocean swim or booking in something for ourselves.

What’s something you could do this week to stretch your comfort limits for personal growth?

You may discover pure joy emerging from the edge of fear 😊

The Parent Gap

Much has been written about the gender equality gap and the gender pay gap and now another gap has become evident, what I’ve called ‘The Parent Gap’ – the gap emerging between those currently in lockdown home schooling children whilst concurrently working and those not.

It has been interesting watching this dynamic play out from both a personal perspective with my husband and I home schooling our 6 year old and also across our Tenfold community with many of our leaders going through this. It has in some cases created a new divide of capacity for those with children and those without which can equate to an unfair pressure on those without children yet who have other competing priorities including elderly parents and pets.

I’m sure when most parents had children we did not foresee a time when we would be home schooling whilst working (I have had to laugh at some of the memes circulating including this one!). However, it is here now in Sydney and beyond with currently over half of Australia in lockdown with many of our global friends having worn this path before us. We were humbled hearing one of US based Masterclass speakers recently share she has been home schooling for a year!

From my experience of home schooling I have found it a reality that your hours and attention are reduced. Trying to supervise a six year old write compound sentences, combine texts and conduct science experiments whilst trying to multitasks on calls is not a recipe to always end well! I had a food colouring explosion as a testament to this 😀

There have however been unexpected joys in the process including lots of extra hugs in the day, the Tenfold team getting to know my family better and little moments of accomplishments like when Ethan was the learner of the week.

I’ve noticed a recent trend of CEOs (particularly female) setting boundaries and not committing to anything new during this home-schooling period. Whilst currently home schooling Ethan with my husband Owain, I can certainly relate, it feels a necessary survival response to keep across business as usual as best we can. I do worry about the longer-term impacts on females in particular of not taking on extra stretch projects, pursuing study, keeping up their professional networks etc. With the recent day care restrictions announced in Victoria I think this will amplify further. It seems like it’s here to stay for a while yet this too shall pass.

Embracing positive psychology and trying to focus on how I can make the best of this time here are some thoughts I’ve tried or heard through our community that I thought may be of use to others.

  1. Bring in the kids – I heard a great example of integrating school kids into work activities in our NFP pod last week with a CEO sharing how they have added a daily fancy dress element to their team huddle that any children are welcome to participate in. The parents are then challenged to keep their item / elements on for the rest of their daily meetings which included the CEO wearing pig tails to a Board meeting 😊 Tenfold hosted an illusionist evening with Matt Hollywood with our community inviting partners, house mates, kids and pets and it proved to be one of the highlights of the program. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.”
  2. Don’t be selfish – I was humbled whilst in conversation with one of our male multinational CEOs recently who is encouraging a 4 hour work day for his people who are home schooling. The message was not to be selfish and expect partners (if applicable) to carry all the load and for all their people to do their fair share. I thought this was a great example of bold and compassionate leadership.
  3. Gifting two hours a day to all – One multinational organisation in our community has given permission for all team members to take two hours off a day for home schooling or other activities. They wanted to make it fair for all people, with those not home schooling taking on all the extra work.
  4. Embracing ‘the weave’ and well-being Wednesday – One of our NFP leaders shared the notion of embracing ‘the weave’ of the day and flowing in and out of personal and professional tasks without feeling guilty and getting your work done in your own rhythm. I liked this analogy and it supports have we all have different energy peaks and troughs in the day and to let these flow! Another member discussed well-being Wednesday where every Wednesday you can prioritise your wellbeing and do whatever you need, I have heard a number of schools embracing this with Wednesday afternoon as free time.
  5. Dial up your superpowers – When having a session with my executive coach recently we were exploring my strengths and it dawned on me that this is the time to dial up my top strengths as they take less effort in a time poor environment. It was good to reflect on how I could dial up my connectedness, ability to maximise and activate to get my work done in a time effective manner. What are some of your superpower strengths that you could activate further?
  6. Protect some time for yourself – During this time of dual working and home schooling it can be easy to let self-care and any time for yourself go. I think it’s crucial to protect something for yourself so you can show up as best you can for those around you. For me this is my daily exercise schedule. As lockdown began I partnered with an inspiring triathlon coach to help keep me motivated and accountable. Having a schedule and structure for the sessions is a precious part of my day. I also think that taking the pressure off where you can helps a lot. For me this has involved buying more lunches and dinners from our local cafes and restaurants to save time cooking and supporting our local community at the same time.  
  7. Have a post code pal – I’m grateful that Tricky from the Tenfold team lives a couple of streets away from me and we can meet for a daily walk and takeaway coffee with his beautiful puppy Charlie. This half an hour provides a dopamine hit with lots of laughs and we often have some of our best ideas too. Especially when we change the coffee to a margarita at the end of the week!
  8. Keep perspective – It’s easy to get into a lull in the current environment yet when you step out and reflect on situations in the broader world like the current situation in Afghanistan it is a great reminder on our privilege here. I find by trying to help a cause larger than yourself like donating to a SmartAid mission in Afghanistan, raising awareness for homelessness through the Sudsy challenge or brain cancer taking part in the RCD Foundation’s virtual Connor’s run we can elevate ourselves for the greater good.
  9. How do you want to remember this time? This is one of my favourite all time questions paid forward to me by a friend who heard Sir Clive Woodward use in in the 2012 Olympics. I love it as time is fleeting, things don’t last forever and how do we want to remember each chapter. For example I could choose to remember lockdown and homeschooling as a time with added pressure, a test of patience and stress or as a time where I got to see Ethan’s learning growth, had extra hugs and special garden plays.
  10. Be grateful – I do believe through personal experience that one of the keys to keeping in a state of ‘whelm’ versus ‘overwhelm’ is having a daily gratitude practice and reminding ourselves of what we have versus what we don’t. It’s been inspiring to see movements like the ‘Thank you project’ led by a amazing family in our local community, a kindness project for Aussie kids helping embed this from a young age. One campaign they led was writing thank you cards to our returning Olympians who would be in quarantine after their Olympic highs.

I would love to hear any of your tips for managing yourselves and families through this time.

As my sister reminded me (who is a school teacher in the UK) we will go down in the history books for living through this pandemic. I hope we’re remembered for the right reasons and how we pulled together and emerge as a more compassionate and humane society.

Finishing with some wise words my dad reminded me of as we went into an extended lockdown.

What I Know for Sure

The question “What do you know for sure?” stunned Oprah Winfrey when she was first asked it in an interview, and she’s spent years since reflecting on this and asking it to others.

I’ve been reading her book “What I Know For Sure” sharing these reflections across the themes of joy, resilience, connection, gratitude, possibility, awe, clarity and power and listening to her read them on Oprah’s Super Soul podcast.

It made me reflect on the question for myself and thought the learning may be useful for others too and for you to reflect on this question yourselves and ask others around you however the answers may not always be profound! I asked my four-year-old what he knows for sure this morning and he said that “I’m wearing underpants!” and my husband who said “everything” :D. Always love their down to earth perspective.

For me, what I know for sure:

  • The best things in life are free – as famously sung by Luther Vandross & Janet Jackson I believe the best things in life are free including moments of wonder in nature (watching a sunrise, sunset, full moon or rainbow), positive relationships, love, laughing, dancing, tapping into our senses, mindful moments and hugs. This song came on in the car recently with my little boys and we had a conversation around it. I think the current lockdowns many of us have been experiencing provide an opportunity to really go within and be grateful for the small things which often are the main things. Of course a good wine and cup of herbal tea or coffee helps!
  • We have a choice in how we respond to situations – I heard a great phrase recently that there are always two ways to ask something and we can respond to difficult situations with love and grace or we can react with anger and hurt. I like to try and take a breath, collect perspective, and respond in a calm manner. I find regular meditation helps with this and as a mum of two little boys it is a lifelong practice!
  • Friends are the family we choose – I had a plaque with this phrase up in our university shared house. We can’t choose our family and fortunately I’ve been lucky to be born into a supportive and loving family yet know that is not the same for all. Friends provide us the unique opportunity to choose our extended family. I know for sure that laughing with my girlfriends is so good for the soul!
  • This too shall pass – One of my favourite sayings is “this too shall pass although it may hurt like a kidney stone!”. The old adage that time is a healer I know for sure and that what we’re feeling in this moment-excitement, sadness, love, hope, will all pass so to accept the moment and make the most of what we can. I recently wrote a reframe post on this subject after fracturing my foot.  
  • Learning provides opportunities – A lifelong mindframe of learning is our opportunity to grow. As many like Michelle and Barrack Obama have demonstrated education can be a pathway to opportunity. I also know for sure from my experience that taking on opportunities that might scare us can help take us into our courage zone and step up to realise potential that we didn’t know existed. What extra learning time can you build into your routine?
  • We can only control the controllables – My friend and spiritual sister Aminata Conteh-Biger shared recently that “all we have is now and so much is out of our control. However, we can control our thoughts and actions. There is an opportunity to make something of every setback.” This resonated for me and I am trying to keep optimistic about the latest lockdown situation and take daily actions to help like meditation, exercise and good nutrition to navigate through it. Another phrase Amii shared with me is “I am my daily routine” which really resonated. What can you control in your daily routine in this landscape of chronic uncertainty?
  • Choose love – I know for sure that choosing love and loving others as a way to live your life is the best way. I try to regularly practice and show acts of love, kindness and compassion. As Oprah has demonstrated, once you choose to live from a mindframe of love it is more of what you attract. A quote in a Saturday Wisdom Chopra App meditation I did earlier today finished with – “The ignorant person seeks material things, the intelligent person seeks spiritual goals but the wise person just loves and everything comes to him or her.” A passage in Oprah’s book that really stood out to me was:

“When you make loving others the story of your life, there’s never a final chapter, because the legacy continues. You lend your light to one person, and he or she shines it on another and another and another. And I know for sure that in the final analysis of our lives- when the to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy is finished, when our e-mail inboxes are empty- the only thing that will have any lasting value is whether we’ve loved others and whether they’ve loved us.”

― Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure

I think that is the thought to finish with and I wish you all safe and well wishes and would love to hear what you know for sure.

Being brought to a standstill – literally! The power of reframing

On Friday I received the news from my physio that I had fractured my right foot and needed to get into a boot asap. At the time I was in heels on my way to a work event!

I had tripped on an umbrella stand at the beach a few weeks earlier and had developed a mega bruise and thought that was the extent of it and that it would heal naturally.

I had kept charging around my daily live, even trying a run, dancing the night away at a friend’s wedding and kicking a football around with Ethan. After the wedding it felt sore again so thought I had better get it checked out and lucky I did! A lesson to slow down and tune in and listen to your body!

When receiving the news of the fracture the first feelings that came to me were that of overwhelm – how am I going to chase after the boys? Train for the duathlon I’d entered? Power around Sydney for work events and meetings?

Luckily as soon as I arrived at our work event I had a coffee with our wise Tenfold CEO Rich Hirst and he helped me reframe the news. He drew a diagram of underwhelm, whelm and overwhelm which showed I only had to pull back a bit to find my whelm and get back into that zone.

I started thinking of the reframe – it is winter and some more rest would be nice – an opportunity to spend some more time with family and friends – more time for meditation, writing and reading – an opportunity to focus on some swimming (which I can still do). As much as I love running and cycling I thought this isn’t my identity. Suddenly I felt much calmer.

I then had a dress zip malfunction and literally couldn’t move much with the potential for the whole dress to spring open and had to laugh, I’d been brought to a standstill! I thought a sign from the universe to slow down.

After having initially felt a bit down and then with a reframe and sharing a bottle of bubbles with my aunty (and borrowing her boot thank you!) a magical thing happened this weekend. Kind friends and family sent messages of support. My cousin came to pick me up and drove me for afternoon tea, a beautiful fried came and made us dumplings for dinner. I had a coffee catch up with a friend who connected to check in, another friend offered to host a lunch we had been hosting.

I was able accept to surrender and accept love, kindness and help from our community. Sometimes when you are rushing around and powering through everything you don’t create the space for this.  

I listened to an ‘Injured’ meditation this morning by Ariel Hardy which I found quite profound. Some of the thoughts included:

  • We don’t have to look for a reason in everything and see an injury as a time to heal.
  • Think back in your memory to when you became injured and think that did not happen to get rid of the obstacle, that you did not get hung up or thrown off, you walked through and were safe. Retrain the body to feel like that, unwind and rewind what happened, remove the fear from the injury area.
  • Give love to your injured area and breathe into it.
  • Bend with the wind and see it as an opportunity to embrace change.
  • Reframe not as a lesson, yet an opportunity to feel love – a time that can be good for your relationships.
  • Don’t get mad at yourself for getting hurt and keep pushing on, open up to being loved and helped. Allow the community to help you, stop and receive.
  • Relax and do not fight it, laugh through the moment instead of being so upset that this happened to you which will add to the stress of the body.
  • It is popular to look for the lesson in an injury (means I should slow down, am on the wrong path?). Instead use the ‘just heal it’ theory – whatever happens, try and just heal it – you don’t need a big lecture to yourself – it happened, bring love into it and kindness.
  • Rest more and exercise in more gentle ways – maybe my body would like that.
  • Learn to be good at unplanned change, reroot our plans.

I’m sure there will be some moments of frustration over the next 4-6 weeks of wearing a boot but I vow to try and keep grateful, keep the reframe and laugh and move gracefully through it. Luckily, I have my husband to keep me grounded who is great at keeping perspective and reframing!

I hope by sharing this experience it may help others going through some sort of injury or trauma and find ‘your whelm’. Sending healing thoughts. I’ve also been recommended to read Leigh Sales book which you may find useful – Any Ordinary Day: Blindsides, Resilience and What Happens After the Worst Day of Your Life by Leigh Sales

Give Forward

“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.” – Robin Sharma

Every month at Tenfold Australia we reflect on wisdom and learning from the previous month and a real highlight in the past month has been the fusion between our multinational and not for profit community to create real impact.

Sharing a few of the highlights below to help raise further awareness of some amazing causes:

  • Take 3 for the Sea CEO Clean Up – We were honoured to be part of the Take 3 for the Sea CEO Beach Clean Up at Manly Cove Beach on the 7th May to help raise awareness and action in the highly topical and relevant area of ocean plastic pollution. We were staggered to see how much plastic had collated over one night and learn that in one hour, we collected 27,603 individual pieces of waste, weighing 87 kilograms which included more than 20,000 pieces of microplastic, film and polystyrene as well as some unique items, including a leather jacket and a parking pole and sign. Very eye opening! We love Sarah and the Take 3 team and their simple message that by taking three pieces of plastic whenever we’re at the beach we can be part of the solution. This picture on the day captures a special moment taken by our Tenfold CEO Rich when my team mate Tricky and I had a chat with Valerie Taylor OAM, in Rich’s words, the Jane Goodall of Australia. Valerie is a conservationist, photographer and filmmaker and has dedicated her life to preserve the ocean and our planet. Valerie is now 85 and seems in a very content place with her life which was wonderful to see.
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  • The Australian Himalayan Foundation’s (AHF) Biggest Curry Night – It’s been hard for many watching the Covid devastation in India from afar and it was great to see Angela and the AHF team turn empathy into action to raise much needed funds for the Himalayan families they support who have been hit incredibly hard on top of the health and education challenges they already face. We were grateful to DELL from the Tenfold Community for donating a laptop to help with their auction. The AHF had to pivot their Melbourne event at the last minute due to the COVID lockdown and still managed to get very close to their fundraising target of $65,000. Donations are still welcomed if you would like to support this truly purposeful cause: Australia’s Biggest Curry Night (raisely.com)
  • Cure Cancer Lab Tour – Just last week we partnered with Nikki and the Cure Cancer team to take a cohort of C-Suite leaders to the Lowy Cancer Research Centre at UNSW to experience the ground breaking cancer research of Dr Orazio Vittorio. It was humbling for us to learn more about the tragic current survival rates for both children and adults diagnosed with neuroblastoma and glioblastoma. Then inspiring to learn about Dr Orazio’s novel breakthrough in relation to blocking copper uptake in tumours to boost immune response (funded by Cure Cancer). You can read more about Dr Orazio’s global breakthrough here and donate to help support a clinical trial later this year. The team are over half way there with $44,000 to go with naming grants available to corporate partners.

I’m grateful that giving is in our DNA at Tenfold and am continually inspired by the generosity across our community. For anyone that is on this journey and unsure of where to start, some tips that have helped others:

  1. Ask your people – Survey your team and ask them which causes are close to their hearts to serve in line with your people.
  2. Open your network – If you are really time poor, think of some meaningful connections where you can add value to your network and the NFP community.
  3. Donate your expertise – As well as raising funds for purposeful causes think about your expertise and how this may help a not-for-profit cause. As an example, we recently introduced an accounting partner to one of our NFP Foundations which was hugely helpful.
  4. Beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission – In the multinational context we sometimes here that local leaders want to take a stand on a particular issue (for example adding in leave for loss into their contracts) however they can be constricted by global HQ policies. We have some trailblazers in the group that proceed as it is the right thing to do and then beg for forgiveness if challenged.
  5. Involve your family and friends – Find an experience to serve where you can involve your family and friends. A great example of this for me was taking part in the Smith Family Delivery Day and taking my youngest son Huw to deliver the gifts.
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In Jay Shetty’s “Think Like a Monk” book he reveals his most important lesson since leaving the ashram is “The highest purpose is to live in service.” This really resonated for me and how he conveyed this including that most people want to help others yet on top of the responsibilities of our day-to-day life, “It’s hard to think about selflessness when we are struggling.”

He shared how monks live in service and when thinking in terms of a monk this is how we should think. I loved this quote in particular, “it follows that the only way to align properly with the universe is to serve because that’s what the universe does”. “Service fulfills us on many levels, beginning with my simple belief that we’re born wired to care for others so service does us good.”

The science shows that the act of giving activates the pleasure centre of our brain, in the words of Robin Sharma which this article started with, “Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.”

I hope this may have triggered some fresh ideas on adding extra service where we can. If anyone would like any ideas on ways to connect with the NFP ecosystem or who to connect with please send myself or colleague Tricky a direct message. We are grateful at Tenfold to have a growing NFP community (shown below) nominated by our corporate members opening up lots of opportunities to serve.

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At the end of this week, I will be participating in Camp Quality’s ‘Camp In’ with my two little boys to raise funds for their services and programs to help children aged up to 15 years old who are dealing with their own diagnosis, or the diagnosis of a brother, sister, mum or dad. I have been humbled by the network support and if you’d like to contribute here is the link.

To finish with a final reflection, with the mental health impacts of Covid very real, I think community service and giving forward is more important than ever. In the words of Jay Shetty, “Service connects us, when you’re serving, you don’t have time to allow loneliness to creep in. In addition, service causes us to step out of ourselves, physically going out into the world to help others.”

Sending love and thanks to you all. 

Getting unstuck

Last weekend we had very wet and wild weather in Sydney. It forced me to slow down and take a much needed rest. This proved a great opportunity to reflect on the year so far and realign.

I started scribing in my freedom mastery journal (thanks for the Christmas gift Myz) which has a section to reflect on your last 90 days and to design your next 90 days.  Sharing my reflections on the sections below which thought may be useful for you to take your own reflections in the different areas.

This reflection timed perfectly with a new “Getting Unstuck” 21 day meditation series from Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra which I have been enjoying: Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra Launch Final 21-Day Meditation Experience: “Getting Unstuck: Creating a Limitless Life.

Celebrating achievements

Reflecting on this section since the beginning of 2021 I noted helping Ethan settle into school well, mentoring and coaching individuals, a successful Husky race weekend for Owain and I, dry January, a thriving Tenfold community including our women CEOs and NFP CEOs and making some progress with my swimming. 

What achievements can you celebrate in the past few months? The freedom mastery monthly planner includes a section to note what you will award yourself when you achieve what you have planned. For me with swimming more regularly this included a new cap and googles 🙂

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate”

Oprah Winfrey

Was I in harmony?

In this section you fill in a wheel of life rating your life out of 10 in the sections of finance, personal growth, health, family, relationships, social life, attitude and career. 

I realised my career, personal growth, social life and immediate family were very high but some of the other areas had suffered a bit like not having as much energy to put into friend relationships, my own health and family overseas. How is your harmony wheel? 

I was reminded how useful it is to stop and reflect every few months to see how we’re going and make any adjustments. It’s not about judging or being harsh on ourselves, it’s accepting where we are and having the empowerment to make some tweaks.

I reflected I feel like I’m helping to create quite lot of positive impact which was my intention for 2021, however that without having enough rejuvination going in this can start to deplete you, with a need to fill up our own buckets.

Are you putting enough into your bucket?

How can I bring more harmony into my life? 

I reflected that the areas which were down are the things that do rejunivate me – self care activities for health, laughing with friends and being connected to family.

I decided to start yoga again (and booked into yin the next day) which always seems to bring more harmony to me, book in some self care activities over the Easter break (a hair appointment, massage and facial), to take the pressure off with long course triathlon racing (pulling out of the Sunny Coast 70.3), sticking to the shorter races (go the Gong!), priortise family zooms again and time with precious friends.

“If you don’t design your own life plans, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much”

Jim Rohn

How did I make myself feel good?

For me this was alcohol free time, ocean swimming, French family zooms, self care activities like massage and blow dry’s, listening to music and quality family time. I found it good to reflect on these to then double down on these in the next few months!

What did not happen and why?

Looking back at my intentions for the quarter, I wasn’t consistent with my evening routine plans to unplug, meditate and read each night before bed. I also reflected I hadn’t put as much energy as I would have liked into getting to know the parents at Ethan’s school. That is now a focus for the next 90 days and we have lots of birthday parties to help with this! 

Who have your learnt from?

I am fortunate in my work to be continually learning and inspired. As well as listing a few people in my immediate network, I thought about a couple of global thought leaders that featured in our Tenfold Masterclasses. The first being Lindsay McGregor, CEO of the Vega Factor, HBR contributor and author of “Primed to Perform” who discusses the importance of play, potential and purpose as three important motivators in the workplace, especially when working from home.

The second being Stanford fellow and author of “Indistractable” Nir Eyal who shared with our network that “Choosing your attention is choosing your life.” Some practical tips from Nir included:

  • Using the ‘Do Not Disturb by Driving’ setting on the iphone when you are trying to really focus and only receive a text only if urgent
  • Having a silly hat or equivalent when working at home with kids that means you are in the concentration zone not to be interrupted
  • The 10 minute rule – when you feel distracted note the sensations and time yourself for 10 minutes before you give into them

I hope by sharing these reflections, they may have triggered a few thoughts for you. What are one or two things you might tweak in your weekly routines for the next few months? I went to yoga again this morning and can already feel the harmony restoring 🙂

To finish in the wise words of Jim Rohn:

“You cannot change your destination over night but you can change your direction” 

Jim Rohn

Women in leadership – a wicked problem and an immeasurable opportunity

A wicked problem can be described as having “innumerable causes, is tough to describe, and doesn’t have a right answer”. (Strategy as a wicked problem, HBR).

I think this is a good description for the women in leadership conundrum with continuous waves of progress made and then setbacks. To this complex problem we need to continuously apply fresh thinking. As Einstein famously said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

With lots of new year leadership team kick offs taking place across organisations currently, I’ve been hearing multiple references to 50:50 women in leadership quotas as discussion points. With females approximately 50% of the global population this makes sense to most (the share of the population that is female – varies across the world. And globally in 2017 the share of women in the world was 49.6% – https://ourworldindata.org/)

But is it that simple?…..

One of my good friends is in a multinational leadership team here in Australia with a 50:50 all company gender split target. We were having a good debate with our spouses recently about what this means in practice. Particularly the conundrum about what happens if there are two candidates left in a recruitment process with the male being more suited than the female for the role, yet they are pressured to hire the female to get closer to their target. Not an unusual situation in the corporate world.

Julie Bishop is a voiced fan of ‘meritocracy’ and lots of senior females I know would not want to get the job just for meeting a quota (myself included). The problem is in some sectors there just are not enough qualified women in particular fields, particularly in cyber security which I saw when I was working in executive search.

I think a big key is developing the next generation of female leaders to help close the gap so there are enough women for competitive recruitment processes. I am encouraged to see more grassroots problems like ‘Girls who Code’ to try and address this issue and reskilling programs for older women. Harvard Fellow Claudio Fernández-Aráoz describes hiring for potential and I do think this is an important factor for women in particular, especially when some have had time out for childbirth. When working at IECL I remember a reference to a corporate study in a large bank where they found the most productive team members were the 3 or 4 day a week return to work mums.

In our 50:50 quota debate it was pointed out that whilst females are responsible for carrying and delivering babies there are going to be delays in female career progression.  I do see this valid point and have had conversations with female elite athletes around the challenges of trying for a baby in their athletic prime with the break a potential to end their sporting career. In the business world, I do think there are ways we can help mitigate this however which will explore further on.

I feel it is also important to note that this is not to say success for many women is prioritising children and being the leader of the family which my wonderful mum did whilst working two shifts a week. I think celebrating and acknowledging this experience with return-to-work parents is a crucial part of the equation. As mentioned in a letter to Fi and Jane in this Fortunately podcast episode it would be great to have a societal matrix for success where this is recognised as much as the top corporate jobs in terms of the functioning of society. I do believe however we can be loving, present parents and advance our careers with a lifelong learning approach. I was fortunate that my husband could take two lots of 6 months paid paternity leave from the University where he works for both of our boys which enabled me to continue pursuing my career. It has been most encouraging to see a rise in the number of men taking paternity leave to help their female partners return to work.

The data

When you look at the ASX data in Australia the stats are pretty dire, currently only 5% of the ASX 200 companies are led by a women the last I read (ASX200 report reveals number of female CEOs in Australia is falling). We’ve found a more positive story in multi national subsidiary leadership generally but still a long way from 50% representation at the top. I don’t have an overall stat but in our Tenfold membership, 28% of our multinational CEOs are female. The story for ASX Boards is more encouraging too. KPMG’s article on ‘Building Gender Diversity on ASX 300 Boards’ shares – “The 30% Club Australia launched in May 2015 with the primary objective of campaigning for 30 percent women on ASX 200 boards. As the decade ended, for the first time, women made 30 percent of board seats on the ASX 200 – evidence that meaningful change can be achieved through voluntary targets.” A key learning of the power of focus and what gets measured gets managed, also perhaps the role of a Board Member is more suited to females in general than an ASX 200 CEO position? The WGEA insights are a great resource and their 2020 analysis of data revealed a key message, More women in key decision making positions delivers better company performance, greater productivity and greater profitability.

When you look at other sectors including small business owners and not for profits however there are more examples of females leading. In our Tenfold NFP community for example 59% of the CEOs are female. Perhaps traditional listed corporate environments largely set up for men by men do not suit the average female? It would be interesting to survey the next couple of layers down in these ASX companies and ask females do they want the top job (if anyone knows of this data please let me know!). It leads to a point that I think there is a great opportunity for current Boards, Shareholders, Executive Teams and other stakeholders to really listen to their senior women and ask what they would like. Maybe it is not the top job, maybe it is.

All in all though the research shows and I do believe the world will be a better place with more females at the helm (just look at Jacinda Ardern) as well as other diversity demographics being represented.

For me, a key part is developing the next generation of exceptional female leaders and young female leaders taking responsibility for this development. From my own experience as a female leader with two young boys of 5 and 3 here are 10 ways (in no particular order) that I believe can help grow and nurture more female senior leaders:

  1. Role Models – “You can’t be what you can’t see” as the saying goes. This is why I believe more positive female leader role models are essential to inspire the next generation. I was fortunate to have Aunty Julie as a role model in business who I looked up to as a young girl. After an opportunity to join her in Hong Kong for my year 10 work experience I knew I’d like to work in the business arena to help create positive change. The more women we do have on senior leadership teams the more a relatable path there is for aspiring leaders. One reason for quotas and targets.
  2. Mentoring and Coaching – I’ve been grateful to have had a formal mentor (thanks Alison) and a bench of informal mentors (thanks Meredith, John of late) to help navigate my career so far as well as executive coaches (Thanks Oscar, Jill, Monica, Ros and Des). At career crossroads mentors have help guide me with standout quotes being “back yourself” (thanks Gaby) and “think yes…and” (thanks Rich). Coaches have helped stretch my thinking with powerful questions including what would you do if you weren’t scared?. It is great to see more mentoring programs emerge for both males and females including through the Public Education Foundation which I am looking forward to being part of this year and mentoring a high school student. I also think the role of peer mentoring can be just as powerful. I’ve made a point of connecting with peers regularly throughout my career to learn leaning and support each other (Thanks to Tricky, Rebecca, Emily and Dave in recent times).
  3. Playing sports – EY came out with an insightful piece of research last year highlighting the positive impact of sports on women and leadership (Why a female athlete should be your next leader | EY – Global). From my own experience playing field hockey through school, college and university in the UK and then getting into triathlon in Australia feel I have learnt invaluable lessons including resilience, perspective and discipline (you can read about my learning from doing an Ironman back in 2014 here).
  4. Shared responsibility – For more women to be in leadership positions it does mean more shared responsibility at home. I’m grateful my husband takes at least half the load and it’s been great to see more dads at preschool pick-ups. However, I often see over 90% of females picking up children from school in my area. Also, mums on average being responsible for more of the school admin and parties, play dates and extracurricular activities. I think shifts in this area will compound over time.
  5. Leadership development – As women I think we can get ahead by investing in ourselves, putting our hand up for leadership development opportunities and not waiting for a manager to always do this. One of the best things I did as a young leader was apply for a scholarship for Avril Henry’s ‘Great Leaders are Made” program which gave me invaluable development. We have to take responsibility for our learning.
  6. Taking risks – I do believe sometimes you need to take risks to get ahead. After my maternity leave with our second child I took a risk in leaving my stable wonderful job of six years to try out my own digital coaching and consulting business. I learnt a lot in the process which lead me to work at Gartner, then Derwent and then Tenfold. These last few were relatively short tenure positions (which may not look great for a traditional CV!) but they taught me lots about myself and what work aligns to my purpose.
  7. Celebrating each other – Those females who have their tribe of girlfriends will know of the wonderful support and encouragement this can yield. I love sharing learning and accountability regularly with some wonderful ladies including Myza, Zoe, Ingrid, Shaneen, Leanne, Tam, Nes, Bel, Tracey and Tracy. When this ethos is carried through to workplaces great things can happen with women sponsoring other women, backing their ideas, ensuring they have a voice at the table and paying it forwards. There has been too much talk of the ‘queen bee’ phenomenon where senior women distance themselves from junior women which I think we need to dispel through more acts of sorority. What’s one thing we can all do this week to pay it forward to another female?
  8. Male champions of change – Males of course are a key part, if not the key part in the women in leadership advancement. I’ve been fortunate to have some amazing male leaders, coaches and mentors including but not limited to JRay, PD, Tony, Cai, Warwick, Rich and Steve who I’d like to express sincere thanks. The Male Champions of Change initiative is an example of men stepping up beside women on gender equality.
  9. Networking – Joining external organisations can be a huge support to women looking to advance their career. Instrumental to me early on was Network Central which was run by Kim McGuiness, I loved her approach that she only connects with people who do things from the heart. For many the term ‘networking’ is a turn off, yet when reframed as meaningful connections based on mutual value adds it seems more appealing. One CEO I spoke with recently sees networking when done right as ‘paying it forwards’ which I love. I have recently joined the International Cycling Executives (ICE) group which is a wonderful supportive business community with the mutual passion of cycling. Who is your tribe?
  10. Prioritising Mental health – I believe prioritising mental health as much as physical is key for both female and male leaders to thrive over the long term. Life changing for me was going through the Jon Kabat-Zinn developed Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program when I was pregnant with Ethan (Thanks Kate) and then training in Vedic meditation (Thanks Cathy). I now draw on these techniques as well as guided daily meditations on Insight Timer, the Chopra app and Wim Hof’s breathing technique.

I am inspired by the next generation of female leaders coming through including my Tenfold buddy Amy, goddaughter Kya and friend Bri and I hope these thoughts may be useful to some on the journey. In this current career phase I have a strong yearning to give back which is also one of our tenfold principles. My New Year evolution (inspired by this Rich Hirst blog) is ‘positive impact’ which I look forward to kick starting with some pro bono coaching and mentoring and opportunities this month.

As an aspiring leader what can you do today to take control of today to own your own development? It could simply be reaching out to someone you admire and asking to share learning over a coffee. As a senior leader male or female, what can you do today to pay it forward and help develop a female leader?

Love to hear any thoughts on this important topic. What resonates, what doesn’t, female leaders what has helped you on your journey? What has gotten in the way? By having more discussions and taking actions through the year as a collective, not just around International Women’s Day I believe more change is possible. At Tenfold we are bringing together CEO members of our multinational and NFP community this week and will listen and learn from them in how they can thrive as leaders in this current environment.

To finish with this Seneca saying that “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Be prepared for when that unique opportunity arises. Anything is possible. Reach for the stars!

I appreciate depending on where you live at this current time including the UK and Europe where I have dear family and friends that there may be a lot more pressing issues on hand, thinking of you.

Reading I have found useful in this area:

Accepting what is

This morning I listened to a beautiful, short meditation on the Chopra app ‘Accepting what is’.

Their Chief Impact Officer Devi Brown has been leading a series of meditations building up to the US election to help support people that may be anxious. A quote she shared at the beginning of the meditation resonated with me and reminded me of Jon Kabat Zinn’s wise words that “we only have moments to live.”
“Whether it’s the best of times or worst of times it’s the only time we’ve got”
Art Buchwald
The meditation went on to say, “Accepting what is, doesn’t mean we are indifferent to the world, it means we remain steady in the face of pleasure and pain, wins and loses, expansion and contraction. In accepting what is we ride the fluctuations of emotions and experiences with equanimity, a calm even state of mind.” Equanimity is one of one favourite words and states when in it. I felt very inspired after this meditation and started writing this blog only to be interrupted moments later by my little boys wanting to play outside with their new big dinosaur egg from Halloween. I took a breath, accepted the moment that was and we had a fun time playing with the new toy.

It was great to have this inspiration for the day ahead as later that morning we battled through the rain to make it to Huw’s Little Kickers session. It seems very quiet on arrival and we shortly realised it wasn’t on and the hall was empty. I later discovered a text had been sent to cancel it which I didn’t receive as we were making up a class.

The heavens then well and truly opened outside and we were without a car. I remembered the morning’s meditation and accepted the situation, smiled at the boys and said it’s ok. Then suddenly the centre manager a lovely man called Deano appeared from the office upstairs. Recognising our situation he acted with compassion and gave us four footballs from the cupboard so we could play. Coach mummy sprang into action and we had lot of fun playing on the full pitch ourselves until daddy arrived to pick us up to save us a wet walk home.

I often find that when we give in and surrender to the universe, a way forward unfolds. I feel particularly in this present time, ‘accepting what is’ can help us thrive versus survive. With so many unknowns like changes in stages/tiers and lockdowns, travel restrictions and the uncertainty surrounding the US election. I find it useful to focus on what we can control each day, for example practicing gratitude, meditating, eating well, connecting with family and friends. laughing, not watching the news and exercising. Doing things in our control to strengthen our mind and body. I’m reminded by some wise words I heard from Tony Robbins,
“Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant.”
In a recent interview with Tim Ferriss, Matthew McConaughey – shares his one best thought for people right now is to laugh at their own expense to help us navigate through these times. He also shared an analogy of enjoying running downhill and momentum when things are going well in your life as there will always be obstacles along the way. Hope these words resonate for some. Feeling grateful here that I could finish writing this after driving back from a trampoline play with the boys crashed out 🙏 Safe and well wishes to all